Fear and Worry

It's no surprise that I would write a blog about these subjects, if you are a friend of mine on Facebook you've seen me mention these words a few times. I'm not sure why fear and worry are a constant struggle for me but they are. I wanted to write this because I feel things are looking up. I've found verses, sayings, worship songs, things that are helping get me out of the "fear and worry" funk. I wanted, in a way, to share something exciting.

I'm beginning to realize that I can't do this all on my own and that I can't live with fear and worry everyday. I have help from my husband and family and friends when it comes to every day things but when it comes to the thoughts in my own mind I need God to help me. I want to have fun and enjoy life, I want to be cautious but not too cautious. Whenever I feel as though my worries and fears are about to take over my mind I start the worship song "Miracle Maker" by Kim Walker-Smith and it makes me instantly feel better. The words are powerful and moving and even though I may not need a physical miracle I need an emotional and almost spiritual miracle in my life so the devil doesn't get footholds.
My favorite saying lately is "Let your faith be bigger than your fears." I have it as the background on my phone so I see it daily and I repeat it to myself as well. I want my faith to be HUGE! I want it to overcome all the fears and worries that I have. I've never been good at letting go of things and letting God handle my whole life but I feel that with worship songs and this saying they help; they remind me that my faith in God has to be bigger than my fears, that my GOD can and will deliver me through anything.

A few verses that have helped too are:
Joshua 1:9: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go." God doesn't want us to live in fear. He wants us to realize that we can be strong and courageous and understand that no matter where we go, He is there.
The other verse is short and simple but always speaks to me:
Exodus 14:14, "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." The reason this speaks to me is because of the fact that I don't like to let others handle things for me, I try to deal with them on my own but this verse is telling me that I don't need to do that, that the Lord will fight for me and I need to be still and let Him handle what I go through. God has everything under control and this world can get crazy and it will get worse and worse but why worry? Why fear? I don't need to live that way because I have a God that hears me, that is there for me and will never let me down. I may go through hard things and I have gone through some hard things but I've come out of them stronger and I know God will carry me through anything I will go through in life. I have a HOPE that God will fight for me! It's pretty exciting if you think about it.

Even though I'm not perfect in this thinking and I still find myself worrying and sometimes living in fear I will remind myself of these verses, I will memorize them, I will write them down in places I can see daily because I will not let these emotions take over my life!

Ideas and Goals

Soon I will be a mom of two. It’s kind of crazy to think about. I’ve always wanted kids and when my daughter came along I was very happy. I secretly hoped for a girl the first time around and would tell myself I was having a boy but when they told me I was having a girl I was thrilled. Don’t get me wrong, I would have been happy either way but I wanted to make sure I had my girl. This time around I assumed I would be having another girl. Every single person I knew was having a boy and I thought I would have to be the one to have the girl but then when they told me it was a boy I felt complete. I had my girl and would have my boy. Again, I would have been happy either way. Ultimately you want a healthy baby but now to say we have one of each we could be done if we wanted. I’ve already been asked if I want more and my answer is always, “let’s see how I handle two.” I’ve said I want three to four kids but I may not be able to handle any more than two; especially if this little boy is like his sister!

Here I sit, thinking about how in a few short weeks I will be “starting over.” Bottles, diaper changes, waking up every three to four hours, worrying about him sleeping through the night…my daughter can practically take care of herself now! Not really but you know what I mean…it’s going to be a change but I can’t wait. I’m excited to have him and hold him! I can’t wait to see his little face! I can’t wait to see who he looks like, how much hair he will have…all those things you look forward to throughout the whole pregnancy. I’m also excited he’s being born now, as it’s getting nice out. My daughter was born in January and there is only so much you can do that time of year but with him being born in the spring we are able to get right out there and take walks and enjoy the nice weather. I say all this hoping it keeps me accountable. As I said in the first blog post, I have so many goals and ideas that I hope I don’t let myself down.

I want to be a better mom. I’m sure most of us moms out there wish for this and want this. Clearly, I’ve never had more than one kid before so I can’t say exactly how I will handle things but I have ideas that I hope to put into action. I want to enjoy every moment with my kids. My daughter had colic and it drove me crazy. If he ends up with that I want to try and look at the positive. I get to rock him and hold him, something that in years to come he will grow out of. I get to spend precious minutes, maybe even hours with him, talking to him and singing to him, calming him down. Now I know what they say when you leave the hospital, “if you feel like you may hurt your baby put them down and walk away for a little bit.” I admit I had to do that a few times with my daughter because I would get so frustrated. I need to remember that when I’m feeling this way the baby can feel it from me. I feel bad that I may be better prepared for this baby and my daughter had to be my guinea pig in a sense but I think that’s how it goes. You learn as you go along. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever get frustrated because you can bet I will but at least I am trying to look at things more positively so I can focus on my baby’s needs. I think it’s about working on not being selfish and realizing that this baby needs me to be in the best possible mood I can be in.

My last blog was about weight loss and while it was great having people read it and encourage me it got to be too much. I felt if I didn’t write every day I was letting people down and then I felt I failed. Plus re-reading those posts made me feel sort of dumb…I looked crazy! The goal after a baby is to always want to get too you’re before weight or get healthy and to say I don’t want that this time I would be lying. I want to lose weight but I don’t plan on putting every single highlight out there for all to read; mainly because I’m planning on doing it the right away this time. I enjoyed doing the 30 day challenges and will still do a few here and there but more than anything I want to make lifestyle changes. I want to get healthy and if that means it takes years instead of months so be it. I want my kids to be healthy as well. I want this to be a family thing, where we all work on getting healthy together. I feel too that if I’m working on bettering myself I can be better for my kids and husband. I want this blog to be about life, not just one specific thing so while I will mention weight loss things, like what recipes I may be cooking, what work outs or things are working at the moment, I don’t want that to be focus. I want to help others with my journey but I don’t want to feel as though I’ve failed if I can’t stick to the one certain topic of weight loss. As I said, it’s a very common thing to want to lose weight after a baby so why make myself out to sound special because I’m blogging about it every day? I’ve loved the encouragement in the past but more than anything I want people to notice the change and not have to hear about it all the time because let’s face it…it gets old!

I’m also hoping to work on sewing. My mom has been sewing for a while and I know I can learn a lot from her but now that I will be staying at home taking care of my kids it would be nice to learn. I’ve thought about items I want to sew and if they were to turn out it could turn into a business but that’s not my goal at this time or really ay time soon. There is so much out there right now, 31, Vera Bradley, Etsy, other blogs I’ve seen…it’s a lot and I want to figure out some way to stand out before I were to put myself out there. Plus, I may not be great at sewing…I’ve got to figure that out! It’s something I want to do as a hobby more or less. I may not even have time at first with two kids but it’s something to look forward to for sure! My mom used to make outfits for me, she used to make Halloween costumes for me and my brother (like the year I was the M&M and he was the M&M package, I still remember that one!), she would make my hair bows and all sorts of things. I think it could be fun to do that for my family!

These are just a few ideas and goals I’ve made for myself. I have a ton more and I’m sure I’m overloading myself because I have no idea how life will be after a second baby but I can’t wait to find out. I’m excited for what lies ahead and more than anything I can’t wait to see how everything turns out.